Hi fwends!!!!
It’s one excited LP here. Daddy is taking a break
as he needed to recover after swimming today, but more of that later if there
is time…..
Well, I’m now not kicking the backside of being 18
months old, nah, it doesn’t really mean too much to me either really. Well, it
wouldn’t have if Mummy and Daddy hadn’t been sent loads of books from wee Alex
Salmond telling me what I should be doing for my age and stage. YAWN!!! Ok, so
there is nothing like having a wee bit of a benchmark to work around, but to be
honest, I am happy just growing up at my own pace in my own time in God's own
country.
Anyhoooooo… More of Mr Salmond later, but for now
it’s time to talk about my favourite subject… toy’s.
For those who have not been lucky enough to visit
The Hood in recent months, you should be aware that I have like a gazillion
toys. To be honest, I am soooo lucky that I don’t really know exactly how many
toys I have. This may be due to the fact that I am only little and therefore
can’t count. Mummy and Daddy also feel that there is a bit of dubiety about my
concept of what precisely constitutes a toy. OK, so I have a “Toy bucket” which
looks suspiciously like it was purchased in Wickes and then retrofitted with
Bob the Builder stickers. Yes, I found this ironic too. My toy bucket is not
filled with concrete and off cuts of coving, rather, it is overflowing with
Duck related toys’ One La La, several keyboards and a microphone which Daddy
uses to do Darth Vader (“LP I am your Father”) and Elvis (“Thank you very
much”) impressions. If you step away from the Nirvana of the Toy box there are
many, many other toys which I regularly use to climb on furniture, overturn on
the Hound or simply chew. Antipodean Aunty (AA) and WSG (wicked Step Granny,
who isn’t really wicked at all) has been particularly generous with regard to
toys. For weeks after the Storks delivered me to Mummy and Daddy there was a
constant stream of Post Office vans queuing up at the door with deliveries of
crocodiles, piranha fish and indigenous tribes people……well all the boxes did
have Amazon on them……Tee Hee
Anyhoo, back to Mr Salmond. It’s been a fishy kinda
week. As I mentioned earlier wee Eck and his pals in the Scottish Government
sent me a big pile of books which, I think, Daddy enjoys more than me. It’s odd
the folk who are sending me books. I got ton’s from Dolly Parton (really) before
the Storks even delivered me to Mummy and Daddy and now I’m getting the first
Minister delivering me books via a big blue bus that drew up outside the local
parent and toddler Chapter House a week or so ago. I say drew up, to be clear,
it was more of a drive by and lobbing of books out of the window. To be honest,
I didn’t really see if it was Alex doing the lobbing, might have been
though. The upshot of this is that Mummy
and Daddy got a ship load of books, I’m sure mummy said ship…hmmm…, some with
Nursery Rhymes, some with songs and some that just inform the olds where I
should be developmentally, well, within a 6 month window anyway. To be
honest, Mummy seems to have a wee bit of a relaxed approach to this which I
find works best. Daddy seems to have developed a competitive streak, which, he
say’s isn’t helped by a colleague returning to work after maternity leave.
Apparently her wee boy is now able to throw a miniature or “fun size” Nemo
branded Frisbee, say at least 14 and a half words and has sat… I said sat… on a
potty, which is more than I have done. Throwing a Frisbee is way off on my
“Things to do before I’m Two” list, as I am just getting used to using my
opposable thumbs to chuck the hound's drool encrusted ball back. As for words,
I can say all that I really need to say for the moment “Mummy, Daddy, Doigy,
Ball, Juice, Nana (as in Ban) and Phone” the extent of my vocabulary has served
me well for the past week or so and Daddy read in a book that I understand 10
times the number of words I say and that I learn a new word once I have heard
it over 500 times. To be honest, I wish the olds didn’t know this. They have
entered into a really boring competition in an attempt to manipulate my
vocabulary to their own ends. It gets a wee bit boring when Mummy keeps on
saying to me “Daddy’s a bum” and, equally Daddy should realise that I’m not
going to say “Mummy Farted”. As for a potty, well, I have to thank Daddy for
explaining what one of those is. Daddy was perhaps not the best person to do so
as he explained that I really didn’t have the plumbing to be standing up to
pee, which, to be honest, I tend to do in the bath. This conversation was
interspersed with awkward silences and we both agreed to leave such
conversations to Mummy in the future.
I’ve digressed again. I seem to remember that I was
talking about all the toy’s I have, well my absolute favourite is a wee Little
Mermaid cassette thingie that plays “Under the Sea” sadly I took this statement
a little too literally, but more of this later. The cassette thingie was
somewhat of a family heirloom, having been given to Daddy a decade ago by a
colleague who knew about, but never judged his “fondness” for Ariel. Clearly, it’s not much of an heirloom although
Daddy is never slow to remind us all that he came to the “Toon” with 2 bread
baskets of belongings, so I guess we make heirlooms, like we make
memories when we can. The cassette thingie sat on Daddy’s desk at work
until the good people of the Cooncil enacted a clean desk policy which meant that
Cassette thingie, Darth Vader helmet, barking doggie and miniature Henry
Hoover all ended up getting shoved in a drawer never to see the light of day
again until they were periodically rediscovered over the years as Daddy looked
for mint’s and/or Nicotine Replacement Therapy.
I really took to this wee cassette thingie after Mummy used it by way of
distraction when I was having a wee psycho meltdown. I carried my miniature
ghetto blaster about with me all the time infuriating Daddy as I kept on
pushing the button, thus returning the song back to the start when Daddy was
in full voice. I even carried it with me to the bathroom and, mindful that my favourite
toy had a picture of a mermaid on the front, decided to see if it would swim.
Alas, it did not. Sadly the phrase “Darling it’s better down where it’s wetter”
did not ring true and my favourite wee toy met a watery grave.
So now you are (probable) asking yourselves what’s
the connection to Alex Salmond……. Salmon…. tee Hee.
LatersJ
As you know I am now
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